Lactose attack

[legalmoose]

So, like, the movie was cheesy ("What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams). It was visually kinda neat, but the themes? Heterosexist. Monogamistic (we'll find each other in another life, despite being reincarnated in NJ). Disgusting. But it still wanted to make me cry. I still wanted to curl up with Doug and sob. How do these cultural remnants still effect me so? Why do I let these emotions creep in?

How do I deal with it when he tells me (during the Hell scene) that he's never dated someone who's mentally ill, when my ex was so (in retrospect) obviously manic-depressive? How to adjust to someone who's more sane than the Big One That I Was Supposed To Spend The Rest Of My Life With While We Dated For Six Years? The bastard who emotionally abused me?

How does one go about trying to love, unconditionally, as I do love him?

I hate emotions. They so screw up everything, yet mean so damned much.

*grrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Comments

[kytty.livejournal.com]

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable again after being abused is a very hard thing to do. I admire you for taking the risk again, it sounds like you are struggling but very much motivated to do the emotional worked involved to make things very special with Doug. Good for you! :)

I know what you mean about wishing to be able to just enjoy a movie without having to deconstruct all the cultural myths and the imposition of values from the dominant culture. I have only recently (in the last few years) become aware of how heterosexist our culture is and appreciate that you took some time to point these things out. I am trying to learn! :)